


The Mistake I Couldn’t Fix

by ExclusiveGorgeousGeek



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Hurt, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Slight fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 01:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExclusiveGorgeousGeek/pseuds/ExclusiveGorgeousGeek
Summary: Some mistakes just aren’t fixable.No matter how much you wish they could be.





	The Mistake I Couldn’t Fix

Dan and Phil.

That's what we have been known as for the past 9 years.  
Dan Howell of Dan and Phil or Phil Lester of Dan and Phil.  
Never just Dan. Never just Phil.  
And we liked it that way. 

Whenever we were asked to be interviewed they always asked for both of us.  
Radio shows, VidCon, Collabs, YouTube stuff, always me AND Phil.  
And we wouldn't have had it any other way. 

We had been dating under the radar for the past 8 years.  
They were honestly the best 8 years of my life.  
Then I messed up.  
More then once.  
Hell, I messed up a lot.  
Nothing major at first, just little things here in there, like any other relationship.  
Forgotten anniversary because I was got busy, forgetting to call when I was going to be late, promising to do something then getting sidetracked and never getting to doing it.  
I always found a way to make it up to him though and he always forgave me.  
Phil's incredible like that.  
Just one the thousands of reasons I love him.  
But then it happened.  
The mistake I couldn't fix. 

-5 weeks earlier......- 

Phil walked into the the bedroom flopping down face first into the pillow next to me.  
I chuckle, never looking up from my laptop, "You okay?"  
He starts to talk, but the feather stuffed pillow swallows his words.  
I lean over and poke his side in the middle of his sentence, "I can't hear you."  
Phil huffs and lifts his head off the pillow, his black fringe falling in front of his eyes as he turns to look at me.  
He's so beautiful.  
"I'm just bored."  
I giggle, moving the laptop off my lap and set it on the bedside stand.  
I shimmy down the bed slightly so we're in the same position and lift a hand to gently slide his fringe out of his eyes.  
"Alright I'm all yours. What do you want to do?"  
Phil shrugs, "I don't know," a small smirk playing on his lips.  
"You know that's not fair right." I say raising an eyebrow at him.  
Phil looks back at me, his blues eyes showing nothing but innocence.  
The fake innocence he always puts on for the camera, but it's still there.  
"What do you mean?"  
I grin at him and slowly lean closer, looking from his lips to his eyes rapidly.  
I stop just before our lips touch and pull back, grinning at his pouty face.  
"Now who's not being fair." He says with a cheeky smile.  
He quickly connects our lips, placing his hand on the small of my back to pull my closer. 

We have been together so long our kisses have become...routine?  
Same pattern, same motions.  
It's almost too familiar.  
I'm not saying I don't love Phil.  
He's the only one I will ever love like I do.  
He's the person I want to spend my whole life with.  
I love him with everything in me.  
It's just.....that spark when you first get together, it's not really there anymore.  
That feeling when you can't help, but kiss that person so they know how much you really love them, or never feeling like your close enough to each other.  
Needing each other's touch every second.  
I don't feel that anymore, it's been too long. 

-3 weeks later- 

"Yo, Howell! Are you ready yet?" I hear Phil yell from the lounge.  
"Coming!" I holler back for the third time as I try to knot my neck tie and totally fail.  
I sigh and shuffle into the lounge, stopping mid-step as I see my boyfriend standing there in a formal suit, with a peacock blue tie, making his eyes look like they're shining.  
"Woah." Is all I can say as I look him up and down, "You look......Hot." I finish with a smirk and walk towards him.  
Phil just shakes his head with a laugh, walking forward to help me with my miserable excuse for a tie.  
"Gee, thanks." He says with a smile as he starts to fix my tie.  
"There." He says pecking my lips quickly then lacing our hands together.  
"All fixed. Now, we need to go before we're late. Louise will have a fit if we roll in at the last second, again," He says pulling me towards the door.  
I chuckle as he grabs his coat off the hook behind the door.  
"Yeah, we might have been late, but it was totally worth it." I say with a wink as he turns back around.  
Phil just laughs as a big embarrassed grin creeps onto his face and pushes me out the door.  
"Shut up and walk." 

After we said hello to Louise and thanked her for the amazing party, I mingled  
with Phil for a bit then tapped him on the shoulder.  
"I'm going to go get another drink!" I yell so he can hear me through the loud music.  
"Are you sure you should have another? That'll be like your 6th one." Phil says pulling me slightly closer so I could hear him, but not everyone within 10 feet could.  
No one here knows about us being a couple except Louise.  
I laugh at his worried expression and shake my head, "Phil I'm fine! It'll be my last one!" I say, my words slightly slurred. 

I grab a beer from the cooler by the snack table and wiggled back through the crowd to find Phil again.  
There's entirely to many people in this small house.  
With no luck, I give up with a shrug and wander around to find a slightly quieter room.  
The music is nice, but it’s kinda of starting to give me a headache.  
I see a girl sitting by herself on a couch in what I assume is the guest bedroom.  
I step through the door, causing her to look up.  
She honestly looks as bad as I feel.  
I don't know who she is though, must not be a Youtuber.  
"Mind if I sit?" I ask pointing to the seat next to her.  
She nods and stares at me intently as I walk over.  
"You're Dan, right?" her voice is....smooth.  
I give her a nod as I take another swig from the glass bottle in my hand.  
"I thought so, I watch your videos."  
I turn and smile at her, "Really?"  
She smiles back, although her eyes are slightly puffy from crying. "Course. You're brilliant."  
"Are you okay?" I ask after a few seconds of silence, noticing her slightly smudged mascara.  
She chuckles and leans back into the couch, "Yeah, I'm fine. My ex-boyfriend is just being an idiot."  
I nod and set my now empty bottle on the table next to me.  
"Do you have a girlfriend?" She asks looking at me.  
"That would be boyfriend or girlfriend...and uh, no."  
Why did I say that?  
Phil and I had decided that if anyone asked if either of us were in a relationship we could say yes, but play the whole 'oh you don't know who it is.' game.  
She looks at me and shakes her head in surprise.  
"I can't believe someone like you isn't in a relationship."  
I laugh and turn to look at her.  
"Why's that?"  
"Well, you're hot for one." She says with a slurred laugh, clearly having had a few drinks earlier.  
"And you're sweet, and from your videos I can tell you're funny, and caring-" she continues as she starts to slide closer to me.  
I should get up and leave right now.  
"-And loving and your eyes are amazing." She finishes as she is practically sitting on top of me, her face inches away from mine.  
This is so wrong. I know this is wrong, so why am I not moving?  
I think it's the mystery.  
If I was to kiss her, it would be something completely new.  
Nothing I have ever experienced before.  
Sure, I've been with a girl before, but not her.  
Her lips would be different from Phil's.  
It wouldn't mean anything, but then maybe I could stop thinking about it.  
My thoughts come to a screeching halt as she quickly slips over onto my lap and looks me in the eyes.  
Both of us completely silent.  
She's waiting for me to make a move.  
I can't do that to Phil, I love him.  
But would this kiss really count if it doesn't mean anything?  
No. Bad idea. This whole thing is a freaking bad idea. I need to leave, RIGHT NOW.  
I can feel my mind yelling at my body.  
I slowly start to lean in, it's like I'm not in control anymore.  
My lips connect with hers and she starts to kiss me back.  
They're not like Phil's kisses.  
These are rougher and not as sweet.  
His lips are soft, as hers are more chapped.  
It's different and I don't like it, but I can't stop.  
She places both of her hands on my face deepening the kiss as I put my hands on her waist.  
Every fiber in my body is telling me I love Phil and I can't do this.  
His kisses are the only ones I want, I know that now.  
There's a creaking behind us, causing her to immediately stop and swing her head around.  
My heart stops and I can't breathe.  
In that moment my whole world ended.  
It was Phil. 

 

-Present- 

That was it.  
The one mistake that couldn't be saved.  
Yeah, I got up and chased after him.  
Saying that it didn't mean anything, and that it was just a stupid mistake.  
All those things were completely true, but Phil wouldn't listen.  
I screwed up.  
I screwed up big.

I finally caught up with him, grabbing his arm so he would look at me.  
His once bright blue eyes full of tears streaming down his beautiful pale skin, his face flushed, but deep in his eyes he mirrored how I felt right then and now.  
Broken. 

Phil is moving out his stuff today.  
We are on 'okay' terms.  
Not really friends, but I'm not sure I could handle seeing him only as a friend all the time anyway.  
I ruined the only good thing in my life.  
I snuffed out my personal sunshine. 

Phil grabbed the last box and carried it to the door, setting it down to give one last look around the apartment.  
I just stood there by the door, not being able to move  
A piece of my heart was packed up with each of those boxes.  
"I guess that's the last of it." Phil mumbles coming back into the lounge.  
We stand in silence for a second, before I feel a tear slide down my face.  
I quickly wipe it away with my sleeve and look back down to the floor.  
Phil walks over and puts a finger under my chin forcing me to look at him.  
"I'm going to miss you so so so much, Dan." he says before placing a small lingering kiss on my cheek, sending a wave of heat rushing to my face.  
The spark.  
That was the moment I knew for sure.  
I had broken my soulmates heart and shattered mine beyond repair in the process. 

I was no longer Dan Howell of Dan and Phil and he was no longer Phil Lester of Dan and Phil.  
He was Phil.  
And I was just Dan.

**Author's Note:**

> hello there! anna here! hope you enjoyed that! if you want to stalk me make sure to check out my tumblr @exclusivegorgeousgeek 
> 
> till next time my loves!


End file.
